Here Comes The Rain

Here comes the rain again.
It washes down like a flood,
Here comes the hope again,
Watch out for the slippery mud,
>>A GOOD 1ST STANZA<<

Let me run again,
Run far away,
Let my wings fly open,
Soring for the stars again, >>THIS LINE DOESNT REALLY FIT<<
i pray...>>I LIKE THIS<<

Let my broken wings take flight.>>LOVE THIS LINE<<
Flight out on the lake around midnight.>>SEEMS FORCED<<
Let me love again
My dear Raven...
>>I LOVE THEESE 2 LINES<<

Promises kept>>LOVE THIS<<
yet i still wept>>SEEMS FORCED<<

Here comes the rain
Falling from the sky.
Whips away the tears i 'THAT IM FORCED TO' cry
those sweet teardrops from the sky

I shall not live another day,
For drought's threating my wonderful moist May.
>>AGAIN THEESE 2 LINES SEEM FORCED<<

Here comes my chance again to fly out in the night.
Tear drops cover me out on my flight.
>>LOVE THEESE 2 LINES<<

Love raining down on my Raven to be...
Rain drop love has a another love for me.
>>GREAT 1ST LINE BUT MAYBE REWORD THE 2ND<<

The moon'S tears cover me in a flood of pure passion.
TheY cover and in gulp-(ENGULF??) me in aN old way 'BUT' new fashion. (MAYBE REMOVE 'YET THE' FROM THE LAST LINE OF THE LAST STANZA)

>>Im not overly impressed with this poem, though it did have some great and powerful lines in it, i can feel your passion but you need to learn to let go and write what you know to be true not what fits.<<

Peace & Love
IBE
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