Be My Charmer

I have open scars from long ago,
Even if they don't show.
Their from now on apart of the show.

I hold my head up high
Even when people stair.
When ever i look around
your never 'TRUELY' there...

Id hold my breath
If i could breathe.
I feel 'SO' close to death'S 'BREEZE'.
Someone save me 'PLEASE'.

I lay on the floor three years ago.
Lay on my back fear in my eyes wont go.
>>THEESE 2 LINES SEEMS FORCED<<

A tear streaked face covers the fear,
Long ago yet the pain seems clear.
>>LOVE THEESE 2 LINES THE MOST<<

I pray to myself i wish my most sought after wish.>>THIS LINE SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE LONG FOR THE 2ND TO MATCH<<
I wish for my angel i wish for his kiss...

They came and they went three guys to be exact.
Yet none even close to a match.
>>2ND LINE NEEDS ANOTHER WORD OR TWO, LAST WORD ON 2ND LINE COULD BE OVEREACT,INTERACT??<<

I wished for my angel
I wished for his love
Eyes unlike Egypt,
Wings like a dove's...
>>LAST 2 LINES OF THIS STANZA DONT FIT AND SEEM TO BE THERE JUST TO FILL UP SPACE<<

Bring me a knight in shining black armor
Bring me a polite nice charmer.
>>MAYBE GET RID OF THE WORD BLACK & SWOP POLITE & NICE AROUND<<

~all in all it's a good poem, with just a few minor adjustments it could be the perfect poem.

I love theese two lines the most:

A tear streaked face covers the fear,
Long ago yet the pain seems clear.

very well done.~

IBE
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