Superhuman~Tanka

by Poet on the Piano   Jun 26, 2009


An average soul morphed
Into a calamity,
Manipulating
Righteous hearts into evil,
To fulfill Satan's duties.

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The Tanka is a form of Japanese poetry that consists of the
following syllables: 5, 7, 5, 7, 7.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    That sound and flows much better and now makes sense excellent tank 5/5 Ray S

  • 15 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    Obviously I can't critique this, as I've not completely judged the contest yet. (:

    Buuut I will say I love it, you brought something different to the table for this contest so I'm so happy you entered.

    I'm guessing you say "Average" like myself--
    two syllables. So it all fitted whilst I was reading it.

    But I did see what Ray was saying above me,
    maybe a different word would fit better there.
    Something more tragic and less hopeful?
    "An average soul morphed
    Into a calamity,"
    `or something alone the lines.

    No changing yet though. ;]

    Great job and gooood luck!
    Should have the results tonight!

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    I don't understand this tanka as how does a phenomenon(is not evil it is a mavel or miracle) manipulate evil, perhaps an evil phenomenon, just does not make sense to me. Though I do understand what you want your message to be.
    I think the change qualifies the phenomenon and then the tanka makes sense?
    What do you thin ? let us know Ray S

    That/ man/ip/ul/ates

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    ^^

    You chopped it into 7 parts Temps, lol.

    I came back to this comment box to add this link MaryAnne, because you might not be able to find it, it is a little hidden on Shadow poetry.com:
    http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/haiku/tanka.html

    And indeed the first line should have 5 because that is the maximum. I was not really awake when I wrote my first comment, sorry:)

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    An average soul morphed
    - - syllable count off?
    an/av/er/age/soul/morph/ed

    I'm counting six here, not the required five. May just be the a different way of saying it.. I dont know. But other than that another greatly written form. Loved your word choice it really set the mood as to how manipulating this person is.

    I thought you did great at this, the only thing that was off was the first line. To fix this... maybe you could take off 'an' in the front, it is sort of important -- buut, you could probably go without it?

    Well done otherwise dear. (;

    5/5.
    Temps.