When I messed up and went to jail for a night
for the back stabber homie that I F**ked up ,
I called you to let you know that I might be going to county for 6 months
when you heard this you left
"you said I guess we're single once again"
you kept your decision even after I said it was only a possibility ,
my heart was crushed!
I hoped that you would be aside me always
even through those really messed up times,
you said that you would!
but i guess it was the feeling only at that time,
Now your saying the same words once again
yet I Love You but can't believe you as well
only because my heart is once again in pain
from the female that I thought would never hurt me,
I guess in the moment of things
you get so shocked that you say things you may not want to say,
I know how that feels though
but I feel that I need to see it when the time comes....
What I'm saying is,
If I do go into county than I would not only need to hopefully not hear those words again
I also hope that I never again hear you even made out with another
on the day we broke up!
You say you love me when I say,I love you
even out of random you always say I Love You
so I Question why you would have done that in the same day?
it may not be cheating
but even that hurts!
My heart feels shot
like there's no more blood flowing through
but yet my lungs can still take in air,
so I guess I'm alive!
But in my thoughts I don't want to be
I dream of my grave again,
once again my thought's hunts me
I never thought this would occur,
I'm not just going to except this!
Only because it has happened not only once but twice
I take everything you tell me to heart
I try to be the best boyfriend that I can be,
I also know you try your best to be a good girlfirend as well
but my vains are once again feeding my wrist with blood
I watch it seep down to the floor
while looking in the mirror
wandering what the reasons whe're that lead to these events,
i know I was in the wrong as well
so I just keep loving you
but now with caution....
I F**cked up!
I realize that
I am really sorry
but I don't feel that this should have gone down
I know I have a major anger problem
I'm trying to get it in check
you know this!
but why like this?
Did I really F**ck up that bad?
Do you really love me as much as you say?
I am sorry to ask these questions but I can't stop wandering now,
I do Love you so don't get it twisted
but I also feel as the song
"Car Underwater"
from Armor for sleep would say,
"what hurts more is that I would still die for you"
that song is on my myspace pro. for a reason,
