How Do I Breathe

Hmmm. I don't know about this one. It's not grat, but not bad. I just think the repition is a little much. And a lot of the rhymes just seem kind of silly and childish. Like cat hat bat mat and what not. And they seem a little forced. And when rhyms are off or "iffy" then the flow gets messed up and the poem just doesn't work. But it's still an okay piece.

Soda. E>

I think the poem is very lyrical and the repetition is like a refrain that is very effective in driving your point home

How do I breathe
knowing every things a lie?
^^This line should be either " every things are lies or everything's a lie

There were few great lines that werent affected by the repetition however it was those lines that seemed powerless that made the repetition odd..

As for the ending, i Liked the idea..Actually it was unexpected, however it could have been powerful probably if you did use powerful words.

But not that bad..

She's right hun, saying "How do I breathe" that many times takes away from the rest of the poem. Maybe saying that at the beginning of each stanza or something, but saying it every other line is a bit much. Maybe you should try making your stanza's longer, that way you could repeat it without it appearing too much. This piece was lacking something your other poems had, heart. It felt too forced in some places, and fake in others. Not your best hun. But keep it up. :) Nik

Meh, not as good as your others thats for sure, i dont like the repeatedness of the 'how do i breathe' for me id love to have more lines between the two 'how do i breathe' lines. some endings seem forced, like you couldnt think of anything better to put in there. the layout is semi perfect but i love the questions. 'how do i' & 'how do you'.

not bad.

IBE
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