or sign in with e-mail
by Lady Nik
Ragged girl sprawled on the ground *I like that you said "sprawled" I don't see that word used much.* Each sad tear comes running down *Instead of "running" I'd say something like falling or streaming maybe even pouring. Running seems weird in this context* All truth she knew was ripped away *This line didn't sound write when I read it. Maybe and "the" before "truth" so that it'll flow better.* Lies she heard had led her astray *Had should be have. Since you already said heard and led we know it's past tense, saying had just makes it sound weird* Innocent girl is now broken hearted Too many times her true love had departed *same thing here had should be have* Young girl left to die alone. *I really liked this poem. I felt the emotional content was very deep and profound. Keep writing :] -Nik*
by Em
I think Nik said it all. All I can say though is I like how you rhyme this because usually these forms are not rhymed so well done on that. Em
by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist
I like how you rhyme on this one and Acrostic is one of my favourite form of poetry.. a very sad piece with a tragic ending.. poor girl :( Gel