Comments : Reality (Acronym)

  • 13 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Ragged girl sprawled on the ground

    *I like that you said "sprawled" I don't see that word used much.*

    Each sad tear comes running down

    *Instead of "running" I'd say something like falling or streaming maybe even pouring. Running seems weird in this context*

    All truth she knew was ripped away

    *This line didn't sound write when I read it. Maybe and "the" before "truth" so that it'll flow better.*

    Lies she heard had led her astray

    *Had should be have. Since you already said heard and led we know it's past tense, saying had just makes it sound weird*

    Innocent girl is now broken hearted
    Too many times her true love had departed

    *same thing here had should be have*

    Young girl left to die alone.

    *I really liked this poem. I felt the emotional content was very deep and profound. Keep writing :] -Nik*

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    I think Nik said it all.
    All I can say though is I like how you rhyme this because usually these forms are not rhymed so well done on that.
    Em

  • 8 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    I like how you rhyme on this one and Acrostic is one of my favourite form of poetry..

    a very sad piece with a tragic ending.. poor girl :(

    Gel