Nice expressions in the poem

Very good pacing and rhyming, the poem just flows off the tongue if you wanted it could be a good song, I don't know wh ybut the "nothing to gain everything to lose" line stuck in my mind the most, very good lyrics

Your Servant:
D. Johnson.

This is a very expressive poem full of emotion and of course as the title suggests misery. I know the feeling well as sometimes in our life we usually go through a strain period with someone we love or care for, and your poem hits the spot.

I do think though it could have been better composed, hope this helps:

1st Stanza
L4-5 have no meter or flow.
Line 4 at the end Do is a simple world to rhyme with, re-read them and I am sure you can get improve on them.
L6 Just does not seem or read well to me?

2nd Stanza
As in the 1st Stanza your beginning is great,
yet the next 4 lines need to be reworded to get that meter and flow.
L3 At the end you could could drop the up and use wake as a spring board as there are so many words that fit with it?
L4 Atleast edit to At least

I have a simple rule edit and edit again until you get there as a good poem needs love and care even if it is a sad poem and it looks as if you have rushed it and then settled for what you ended up with.

Hope the comments are a help I so let me know and after you edit it again I will score it
Good Luck Ray S

This is soooooo sad...
im sorry you feel like this...
not fun...
been there, felt that.
not a great thing to feel...
great write tho<3

What will it be like to take my last breath,
Overwhelming stress and too much to do,

*I can really relate to that part. This was a really sad poem, but written so beautifully. I thought you did a nice job with this. I love the style and the flow was great. Keep it up hun. Nik*

'Just wanna close my eyes and never wake up,'
`Wanna is slang.. say 'Just want to'

'Atleast in my dreams, I don't stress as much,'
`At least is two words

'Thoughts of suicide, do you think im miserable?'
`I'm

Other than the few grammatical mistakes the flow was smooth and your thoughts were simple and borderline cliche but other than that I thought the flow really kept things and your thoughts flowing nicely. Easy to understand, and had a lot of simplicity to it, but sometimes simplicity can be a good thing. So nicely done.

Another dark poem that hit its mark, but this one has an uncanny familiar feeling that seems written from a miserable experience.

I can relate to this well written piece as an honest expression of hopelessness without glorifying dark thoughts

Everytime you do this to me it gets more critical,
Thoughts of suicide, do you think im miserable?
^^ These two lines i think need to be rephrased..(you do this to me) - too simple and didnt make sense.The last line as well,,,Thoughts of suicide - needs for elaboration or atleast a word describing/contradicting with that subject...and then do you think im miserable would be looking nice..

Btw, i liked the poem, i thought i just point out these minors issues..just my opinion..:)

Hey, i honestly really enjoyed reading this poem, all the way till the end (though it weren't that long anyway =]), because i can totally relate to the emotions you have expressed so accurately. I'm sure many others could relate too. The flow seemed spot on, and the rhyme scheme was near perfection, well, i saw no flaws!

They all treat me the same, it hurts to feel this way,
Always the last option,what else can I say?
Just wanna close my eyes and never wake up,
Atleast in my dreams, I don't stress as much,
Everytime you do this to me it gets more critical,
Thoughts of suicide, do you think im miserable?

^^Just to improve on grammer and punctuation to smaten it up a bit more... i think it would be a little better if you used 'want to' in the third line, rather than 'wanna', and 'I'm' instead of 'im', in the last line....and that's just me, being very critical! =]
I really enjoyed reading this, because your emotions are so close to home...
Don't stop writing...MEZi x

"Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of death,
What will it be like to take my last breath,"

^RIght off at the beginning, your poem started off good. A strong start, right to the point no questions asked. You start it off with a question in the second line which draws the reader in. Your asking, unsure and the way you did so was more effective than just saying you were going to take your last breath.

"Overwhelming stress and too much to do,
Nothing to gain and everything to lose,"

I really like the second line here. Everything to lose. It's a true concept, and overused line though it flows perfectly with the line previous to it. Not forced, it flows to put it simply.

"Can't take much more of this miserable life,
Just another toy in her evil little mind,"

^Here your poems flow was still okay, but I don't like how the rhymes suddenly disappeared, and that took a bit away from your poem.

"They all treat me the same, it hurts to feel this way,
Always the last option,what else can I say?"

^These lines leave millions of questions asked. You leave a vagueness that allows many to connect, and then to wonder what _you_ mean by this.

"Just wanna close my eyes and never wake up,
Atleast in my dreams, I don't stress as much,"

^The second line here seems to have strayed away from the original topic a bit, but it still rhymes and flows fairly well. Though I love the first line, it has a big Robert Frost feel to it, and makes me think of this poem immediately. You took this idea, and transformed it making it "Similar but different."

"Everytime you do this to me it gets more critical,
Thoughts of suicide, do you think im miserable? "

^Ending poems with a question is always good, and how you ended with the title was also very effective.

Very Well Done. I also loved how simple you allowed your poem title to be, and focused (mainly) around one theme throughout. 5/5 Favourited.

Great poem.!.

Just what I needed. your amazing. I love it.

Amazing! I loved the darkness of it all. So much emotion put into those words.

My favorite lines were:
Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of death,
What will it be like to take my last breath,
Overwhelming stress and too much to do,
Nothing to gain and everything to lose,

Just once again wow, its so true those lines fill my heart beating again stopping to start.
hmm inspiring!!

6/5

Touches deeply to someone who's pondered the same things , really well written . Rhymes are good other than
Can't take much more of this miserable life,
Just another toy in her evil little mind,
which just doesn't really even half rhyme ..

"They all treat me the same, it hurts to feel this way,
Always the last option,what else can I say?"
That is my favorite line.
Its amazing. it really is. In fact its sad because apparently this is how i made my boyfriend feel putting him after friends and everything.. i made him suffer. this is a great poem.
-Tania