I am lost in a sea of clouds
Adrift a discomforting breeze
With only a broken compass
And no land beneath my feet
^^A very creative opening and implied an indication towards a deeper poem. However there was this minor flaw that i have noticed which was the rhyming scheme. "breeze and feet dint rhyme at all, unlike most of the stanzas..

I'm slowly coming to accept this sceptic view
Of the current flow of vapour I am held by
Because it's just easier to watch the sun become the moon
And smile as the stars fall from the sky
"By and sky" rhymed perfectly unlike the first stanza..I think you probably have mispelled "skeptic to sceptic"..I would say a very very stunny stanza however The third line "the sun become the moon" made it a little interesting..The rest three lines were perfect, i think it would look interesting if you'll change it in a more poetic way, probably, "when the moon outshine the sun" something like that. However this ddint mean, this lines were of any less...That was just my opinion and not to be taken seriously.

For each and everyone prior to this claimed
to be the very ground beneath my feet
Only to destroy the foundation
they promised they'd always be
^^I can sense the tone of sadness in here. I loved how these lines touched my heart. The first two lines were quiet calm until i reached at this point where i had to paused for awhile.

I won't attempt to hold my breath
Because I know I'm not able to wait forever
Today is quickly fading
and tomorrow looks no better
^^This stanza was the continuation of the same scene of the previous stanza. Well done on this again..

My perseverance has worn thin
as my urge to go on has hit a wall of silent disarray
This may be my destiny but I'd rather taste lead
Than let this be the only possible way...
^Nice ending however, i think the last line was less powerful and shorter than it supposed to be..

Over all, a very creative yet heartfelt write from you..good Job on this..

I am lost in a sea of clouds
Adrift a discomforting breeze
With only a broken compass
And no land beneath my feet

*Wow...this doesn't seem like the start of a sad poem. I love the imagery and how you explian everything down to the clouds and the broken compass. Very creative*

The horizon seems to distance itself
As I face the crushing comprehension
How can I make sense of reality
Without any present form of direction?

*I love the alliteraion of "crushing comprehension" That just gave this stanza a nice touch. I also like the use of rhetorical questions. Makes me want to think of an answer. Good ^.^*

I'm slowly coming to accept this sceptic view
Of the current flow of vapour I am held by
Because it's just easier to watch the sun become the moon
And smile as the stars fall from the sky

*I love this stanza. The words you use here are so perfect for what you are trying to say. I love the flow and how it stays constant.*

For each and everyone prior to this claimed
to be the very ground beneath my feet
Only to destroy the foundation
they promised they'd always be

*This part is sad. I can really feel your lost here. I like how you worded this. It made it so much easier to relate to.*

I won't attempt to hold my breath
Because I know I'm not able to wait forever
Today is quickly fading
and tomorrow looks no better

*Aww this part is sad. I can feel your sense of aloneless here and how you have doubts about things getting better for you. I love how personal this poem is*

My perseverance has worn thin
as my urge to go on has hit a wall of silent disarray
This may be my destiny but I'd rather taste lead
Than let this be the only possible way...

*Hmmm this ending is good. It makes me wonder what happens to you. I think you did an amazing job overall. I loved this piece. Keep it up hun. Nik*

You write like a master with great imagery and flow

I really enjoyed reading this
I think I could learn a thing or two from you

This may be my destiny but I'd rather taste lead
Than let this be the only possible way...
-- Damn. I love that ending. I have no idea why, there's just something about it that sticks with me. Amazing job.

..Caycex

Levi,

This is the first poem I am reading by you and I think it is a beauty:)
You were able to get across how you feel in a very poetic way..

For each and everyone prior to this claimed
to be the very ground beneath my feet
Only to destroy the foundation
they promised they'd always be

^^
How true, how true...a very profound stanza, very clever wording..

My perseverance has worn thin
as my urge to go on has hit a wall of silent disarray
This may be my destiny but I'd rather taste lead
Than let this be the only possible way...

^^^
I can relate to this very well. I have a curve I pass often on the highway on a bridge, way up high and sometimes, when life gets me down badly it takes all I've got to not steer to the right and just end it all..then I think of my son and the fact that he cannot do without me and then I drive on, biting back the bile.

Life is hard, anyone who told you differently has read too many fairytales in his younger years. The only one who can make it happen is you, and that means: in spite of all the bad stuff. No one has it easy, the ones who seem to, just keep silent about their sorrows;)

Take care,

5/5 Ingrid

//With only a broken compass
And no land beneath my feet//

^^ohhh these lines are so sad...
very depressing and touching write...

Wow this is very well written piece of work the imagry is very clear and descibtive you used your words very well the flow was very smooth the rhyme was not forced you got it just right the structure it well built within the poem

well done 5/5

This seemed like you had to rival yourself for the right choice. You debated on whether or not to linger in the past and live life dubiously or persevere into a brighter future. You had to give yourself comfort in knowing that you knew what was best for you. It's not about what others have done. It's basically about what you will do. Attempts are made and often never succeeded. But I sense that you have a powerful mind and heart. It's strategic to some. But to you it's about finding happiness. What you win you gain and learn from. It's all about forming a stronghold. Some place where you can shape and mold yourself into what YOU want to be. I find this piece to be an enlightenment. You have paraphrased many different meanings. A hidden message? Perhaps you wished to say " You benefit from others but only you know what you can receive from yourself." I loved this piece. It had a great rhyme scheme and fluctuated from various views. I must congratulate you for your work. It's simply artistic and clever.

5/5

-Lilium

To me this is a poem that reminds it's reader of one of life's constant choices. "do I fight or fall?" The only difference is that the person in the poem is fighting for their life.

This is a strong poem, and I'm not just saying that. Great job and thanks for the read

I also like to write stories into my poems, nice job.

This is amazing. It's so creative and unique, and captivates the reader from the start. I really enjoyed reading this and I loved the ending, was so powerful. You are a very talented writer. Well done :) 5/5

I though overall that this was very good, i mean it flowed well and the general idea of the poem was great and not cliche whatsoever.

"I'm slowly coming to accept this skeptic view
Of the current flow of vapour I am held by
Because it's just easier to watch the sun become the moon
And smile as the stars fall from the sky"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^I absolutley love this last two lines, very powerful.

Also you said land beneath my feet twice in poem and saying it twice was really overbearing and i dont think it fit well because clearly it wasnt for repition but maybe lack of words? not sure. Well still a great write. well deserved 5/5

This poem was a beauty, from even the title, right through 'til the end.

The opening stanza creates a scene of the persona not knowing where to go from here. They're lost in a place that should be comforting (clouds, breeze, would generally be associated with peacefulness, perhaps?) yet it's not peaceful. They're just lost.

- "How can I make sense of reality
Without any present form of direction?"

I loved these two lines, because it's a question we ask ourselves all the time. We all think that when our lives seem to have no direction, no forwarding force pushing us to where we need to be, that we're lost. I like to think, however, that having no form of direction is the BEST way to be. It leaves us totally free and able to do what our heart desires and go wherever we choose.

- "Because it's just easier to watch the sun become the moon
And smile as the stars fall from the sky."

This was beautiful, too. A sad sort of feeling seems to linger on the words, despite the use of "smile". It is anything but happy.

This was a beautiful read.

Honestly this was pretty well done I don't have as much to complain about. Drop the ands at the start of sentences, you'll find it flows much better (even in the first stanza) Try to keep your lines relatively the same length and you'll find the flow to be more solid. Rhmyes need some work to be honest, it sounds okay when you say it aloud, but when you look at the words you know they don't rhyme, especially when you pronounce them poroperly. This was better though nicely done