This is a very sad poem and youv'e expressed your emotions beautifully =]

Your stanza flowed quite well into each other and your rhyming was very good.
I really liked the first two lines on the second verse the use of repitition was nicely used.

Essence left my heart tonight, and I'm all alone,
I struggle on fighting, without a moan or groan,
These thoughts and feelings, I can't take no more,
I'm constantly involved in this suicidal war.

*Good start hun. I would change the third line to "These thoughts and feelings, I can't take anymore." That seems to flow better and sound better to me. Other than the I like the simple rhyme.*

The battle goes on, with my ups and downs,
The battle goes on, with my smiles and frowns,
The people I love, I see pain in their eyes,
Pushing me closer to my imminent demise.

*The last line is flawless. I love the words you use there. Perfect ^.^*

I'm stuck in a battle, standing in No Man's Land,
Fighting a lost cause, in a situation I never planned,
It's a war consisting of one, and I'm losing it bad,
Something I can't miss, the happiness I never had,

*This part was sad, but I can relate to fighting a war inside one's self. it's very depressing and draining. Nice work.*

Here I am, stuck like a broken winged swan,
Everyone's enjoying life, and slowly moving on,
You make me stay, for me to suffer more,
But I carry on fighting, in this suicidal war..

*Great way to end tis hun. I think you did a wonderful job here. Keep it up Shaun, you have to post more ^.^ Nik

Deep, loved it!!! keep writing

Your writting is really deep, it's brave of you to put all your emotions on display and your a very good writter for it.
This poem is really sad but good =/ lmfao nice job again mate

This was a very sad poem, i think you have to be very brave to talk about your feelings in such a deep way; making the reader feel how you are feeling
it was a great piece
well done

Poem full of emotions, 5/5. Em