True Fate

Melissa, you were having me on telling me you were not as good a writer as you said you were. You're better!

To use thrases such as "church bells ring, glass shatters" connotes tranquility over safety but then torn from that haven when "glass shatters" signifying that what once was whole is now incomplete. Just that opening line grabs my attention fully.

I don't agree on the word "splatters" but what other needed words rhyme with shatters? I've done it before.

Again the theme of injustice, anger and loss played out in your words. This time though it seems while you are describing your pain outwards it feels as if though you are trying to hold on to what ever may be left of the experience.

Towards the end you can see that you are slowly starting to accept the loss but won't ever be complete again because of it. You've learnt something from that former relationship and you apply as a warning to those in your poems. It's good stuff and thankyou for sharing it. 5/5 for emotion and description.

"Church bells ring Glass shatters
My soul glimpses and Splatters in despair"

First line: "Glass" should not be capitalized and you need to place a comma after "ring".

Second line: "Splatters" should not be capitalized. I felt "splatters" was not the best word, it just didn't fit for what you were talking about.

"You were my world you were my heart
But you choose to Use it like a toy
Now I terror in fear of tears
I hope u crumble into peers
Why did you love her?"

First line: Place a comma after "world" and then add a "and" after that comma.

Second line: "Use" should not be capitalized.

Fourth line: "u" should be "you", its proper grammar. And I didn't get this line at all, maybe reword it to: "I hope you crumble to pieces."

"I loved you unconditionally
More then she could ever bare
I carved your name into my arm
As you wrapped your fate around her name"

I enjoyed the rest of this, good emotions flowing through.

"She is fake, no but I am real
You are fake but I love the pain
Of being with you
In vain we live we truly are each others love
We are our destiny in life but now it is too late
I am dead outside your heart and in your arms�""

Fourth line should be reworded and edited to this:

"In vain we live, and we truly are each other's love".

And in the very last line, just delete that a thingy.

Overall, 4/5 from me. I did like the whole concept of this piece but I think you could elaborate a lot more on it. Also, add punctuation, it will strengthen the poem a lot. Take care and God Bless You!