I'm Standing Here And You Don't Even Know

**this poem is meant to be performed**

I came up here thinking
That I would have
The best poem in the world
But all I can think about
Is the fact that
My own mother
Flesh and blood
Is not here

I might be standing here
Thinking, maybe she is
But I can say for a fact
That she is not in this room
I don't even have to see your faces
To look for my mother
Cause I know she'll never show

These words from my mouth
Are thoughts from the heart
And my mother
Doesn't have the courage
To even show her face to me

She's probably out partying
Shooting up, god knows what
Thinking to herself
That her oldest daughter
Hates her living guts
Well mom, its true

You couldn't even show up tonight
Let alone be part of my life
Your all "I love you Ashley"
Well prove it mother
This was your chance!

My anger has grown towards you
Cause you want me to feel sorry
I feel sorry now
For EVER giving you a chance!

You used to break my heart
But thats when I let you
I'm done letting you in this time
Its my heart to give
And you don't have one part of it

As I'm standing here
Up on this stage
I'm proving to you, mother
That the crap you did to me
Is NEVER going to bring me down
EVER AGAIN

But its not like your hearing me
You never did before
Cause my words were never important
But today they are
Cause they're speaking against you

Now that I think about it
I'm glad you didn't show
All I was to you
Was money
"Oh I can't find a job"
You would say
"lets use the kids for welfare"

Mom, you may have cleaned
You may have cooked
But a real mom
Actually gives a damn about her kids
Who goes to their performances
Who cheers them on
Instead I hear from you
"Why don't you love me?"

Do you hear me loud and clear?
Cause I'm about to answer that
To get love you have to show it
To show it you have to care
To care you have to have a heart
And mom, I doubt you have one
But if you did, its cold

Too bad your not here
To see me up here on stage
Cause if you were here
You STILL wouldn't have heard
A damn thing I just said