Big Mistake

A bestfriend, that was he was to me
to fall for him was something i didn't quite see
my heart, my mind and muddled views
mixed-up emotions, feelings misused

"what if i tell him?"
the idea of confusion came to my mind
knowing the two possible outcomes
made my soul withdraw from fright

but there was something in me
something that i didnt want to hide
i had to tell him
even before my chances slide

the night after graduation
i told him what i felt
i was afraid of rejection
so i planned to tell him it was a joke in the end

at first he didnt believe me
negative thoughts ran through my head
i was about to say.. "i was just joking!"
wanting to take back everything that i've said

he said he also felt the same way
i was speechless i really didnt know what to say
all i could do was flash a big smile
hoping everything wasn't a big lie

i was startled with his reply
reading those words, i wanted to deny
that time i knew it was untrue
because he never even gave me a cue

we were still unsure
we didnt even know if our emotions were pure
he would always tell me to "go with the flow"
do we really have to follow the status quo?

there were a lot of arguments and misunderstandings
Feelings hurt and uncertainty was adding
it was hard for him to move on from his past
leaving me feel like a huge miscast.

eventually we were back to being bestfriends
my special feeling for him started to end
i dont wan't to expect anymore
another rejection, i just can bare no more

we met again after a month
acting like our confessions were just a stunt
treating each other normally
doing things casually

we spent days with each other
talked on the phone for a million hours
a thousand conversations about nothing
i guess to hear his voice was already something

i still had those butterflies in my stomach
but tried to make it an unknown fact
i just cant fall in love any harder
cause it'll make me cut with a knife that's sharper

but then, on the night of my birthday
everything suddenly changed
he asked me the most unexpected thing
"can i get the question replayed?"

"hey, wake up!"
i was dumbstrucked with what i heard
is this really happening?
or maybe what i picked up was blurred

he just asked me to be his girlfriend
damn. i just can't believe it
i kept telling him to repeat what he said
making sure i wasn't misled

"What am i going to say?"
is it a no or an okay?
hesitations were in my way
but it was love that i wanted to obey

i've realized that i have to risk
or i'll have to suffer with what i'll miss
is it life with a twist
or another item to add in my regret list?

at that moment..
i didn't care what it was
whether it was wrong or right
for my love for him was steadfast

i answered him okay
knowing what's in store
either another heartache or major pain
this time, i was prepared for even more
........

its almost a year now
since i said that okay

yeah, there were a few heartaches
and a little bit of pain..

but i surely didn't regret
the decision i made. =)

08July2009

It's almost 2 years now, and maybe I regret the decision I made.
Stupid me. Good thing, he's more stupid. c: