Laced With Love

Really wonderful writing there. I love the way it tells a story. A lot of writers (including me sometimes) start writing a poem, forget where they wanted to go, or what they wanted to tell, and struggle to make a coherent whole or even a good ending.

But here, well, I saw the loveplay right before my eyes, reading your poem was like watching a movie in my imagination. Pictures say more than a thousand words, but your words created pictures in my mind.

I thought that was really a great write. Your choice of words was really amazing. I thought it was a great concept of "become" and "became". It was a really sweet poem, but i thought that in some parts it didnt seem to flow that well, but overall i thought it was really a wonderful and enjoyable write. 5/5

Once again amazing. i loved the vocab. most people tend to over do it to try and sound smart but they screw up the poem when they do. but i loved the flow great emotion and a nice story too. seems like there arent any more love poems being written in the club so i'm glad to see not all love is lost lol 5/5 and once again keep it up

'Floral attire embraces soft vibrant skin,
with goldened rope laced upon the neck.
Resplendent showcased diamonds revealed -
her painted red fingertips accented with yellow.'
`Very beautiful description, I can clearly imagine this.

'Smiles escaped her refined gentle face
gesturing a warm welcome for him to see,
as her soft tender voice whispered,
"Love's what we'll become."'
`I dont feel its necessary to get so carried away with the adjectives; you could take out soft here, for two reasons. You used it above, and two... its just an adjective that I dont feel is nececessary, youre just overdoing it with your adjectives. If you didnt want to do that.. take out tender and use delicate or something - sure thats overused and cliche but its what youre going for here...

'Her soft gentle smiles never left him,'
`Your adjectives are becoming really repetitive.. Ive seen both soft and gentle again.. I dont like the repetitiveness of the adjectives.. both arent even needed here to describe smiles, I think one of them would do. I like when a piece has a wide variety of words.. using the same one over and over turns me off personally. Just being honest.. not sure if you realize how repetitive you are being with this write.

'Etched amongst his heart lies her name
where eternity is sought and embraced.'
`I loved the usage of etched here, however amongst wasnt the right word I dont believe. Maybe use something different, it just seems awkward when I read it. You are being repetitve with embraced here, but I think its fine..

'Lustful touches run across her inked name,
tasteful kisses occupy her glistening lips,
as his tough deep voice whispered,
"Love's what we became."'
`I cant say theres anything wrong with this, probably the best stanza of your poem.. it flowed nicely and loved the repetitiveness of Loves what we became.. that was perfect. A great ending.

Good job, I dont think its your best.. but it is beautifully written Joe.