To Call you Mom

I grew up with no glimpse of childhood.
No toys to play with, much less birthday parties.
No Sunday strolls in the park
And most definitely no hugs or kisses.
Cold and frigid is what have known
Could never make you proud
How can I call you mom?

I tried so hard to be what you want.
Every move so calculated and exact
Afraid to make the simplest of mistakes
Scared of that stick you kept
Sure you've improved, started to use a hand.
Made me bleed, that you did
All for a broken glass that dropped
You sent me to the dark and wait.
How can I call you mom?

Bringing home the grades you wanted.
To find you expected better.
What's better than an A+
Surely you know HS does not offer A++
I'm sorry I couldn't be Einstein.
And I didn't run for class president.
Have to agree that not sleeping is great
Will I make you proud then...?
How can I call you mom?

So, now you seem to see me.
Have you any idea what I think?
Have you any idea of what you've missed?
Heartbreak after heartbreak
Laughter after laughter
I've grown up and been protecting myself
Because you weren't around to say,
"It's going to be ok"
How can I call you mom?

Dad, with his silent love
Stayed there to see me through
Been there to wipe away the tears
Every moment makes up for the lack of words
You just stood there, giving me an once-over
And knew I was never the child you wanted.
With your constant criticism,
You'd replace me if you could
How can I call you mom?

I learned respect and I learned discipline
But it came with a cost.
It came with secrets hidden by sweater sleeves.
Came with the drive to go away
Along with the fear to come home
You wanted me to respect you,
But how can I respect you when I've been afraid
My whole life hidden behind the fine-just-fine smile
How can I possibly call you mom?

So that's how it's been.
Afraid everyday that I do something wrong
So how do I call you mother?
When you haven't earned that right yet
Come back when you've seen what you've lost
But maybe it's just going to be too late
Too late to call you mom.