I like this poem
it is a nice read
very easy to read also...

the second stanza i found was the most intense
and i actually caught myself with my mouth open while reading it hah...

great job :D

Keenan

I thought this poem was absolutely amazing! I loved your title - that was the first thing that really caught my eye.. very original! The only true problem with this poem was the heavy repetition of heart at the end and bleed was used a few times throughout. Other than that.. woow.. this piece is magnificent. If you edited those little parts.. I would nominate this - I was blown away by its creativity.

5/5.

Velvet sky lines lace mountain tops

*I love the alliteration here. It's flawless and it's a good first line as well.*

My body lays broken among death
A deed, bound to heartless actions
The craving, to bleed your name away

*Wow...this was creepy and very dark. But the way you speak is so soft, not harsh and angry like. I liked this stanza*

Rusty spoons carve away to my heart

*I think you meant to say "a way" that makes more sense then the way you have it now. But I like how you said spoons because they aren't sharp, clever idea my friend*

Flesh and blood painted upon the canvas
Stained red fingers plead away cries

*This was my favorite line. Amazing imagery. ^.^*

Wiping away tears of pure agony

Heart beats fade to endless black

*heartbeat is one word, when you put a space in between it's like you're saying the heart is beating..which wouldn't make sense in your sentence so the correct way to write that would be "heartbeat's"*

As a rusty spoon makes way to depths
Of a soul chained to painful memories
Finally set loose to soaring clouds

*I love the last line, such a peaceful but sad image.*

A heart exposed to your touch
My heart left to bleed with rusty spoons
To bleed hateful remorse on shady greens
As the sun sets finally among the mountains

*Aww...this was sad Ash but so well written. You had simple errors but none big enough to take away from the poem. Keep it up hun. You're blowing me away this week. ^.^ Nik*

This is really good. well done.

It's beautiful. you truly put your emotion in words. The fluency was incredible. This is an example of how poetry should be done. Do you have other styles besides dark? I think that diversity is really important.

Very well written
i liked it alot
keep it up

5/5
-Nate

Very good, you obviously have a flair with language. The opening line sets a great a scene. :)

This is way dark but way good i loved it i could picture everything and i love how you used rusty to like show that even rusty spoons are better then yourself i give this a five and its going into my favs

This i really like very deep and pashionate from your heart ..Easy soft reading...I can feel your emotions and thoughts with this poem......

I loved this poem. It was very well written

Very sad but beautiful

x

Firstly, LOVE the title - I had no clue what to expect, but it absolutely drew me in.

This piece was so sad, but also somewhat beautiful. With your choice of words you softened the dark content - hopefully that was intentional..? - which is quite a feat in itself.

The piece flowed really well and you managed to paint a vivid scene with your words.

Well penned. 5/5

Comment chain: Lost Souls

OH, Ashley...

You really have emotions that make me just feel so helpless to help you,
The way you write is just heartbreaking, I can't say much more than, you are a very talented person who needs to believe in themselves and let your poetry calm you.

xx