Pain

Loved this.:) 5/5

This was a really powerful poem. Something I can really relate to. I loved the emotion throughout it.

The only constructive thing I could say is that a fair bit of the rhyming seemed a little forced, and because of that it disrupted the flow of the poem abit- apart from the last stanza that was well done :)

The line "fighting back tears he walked away" i thought was the most powerful line in the poem, it made the reader really connect with the guilt that she must be facing.

Overall this was great :) you are an amazing writer and this was very well done.

5/5 for sure :)

Sorrow sets in because of one mistake,
Never did she mean to hurt him,
So suprised in her own actions,
She couldn't feel even one limb.

Good, but a little shaky. I like it though, the 2 and last line are what seem a lil awkard

He looked at her so dully,
Didn't expect this to ever occur,
Fighting back tears he walked away,
His whole life now became a blur.

Well done, flows extremly well.

Tears fell from her eyes,
It was her fault and she knew it,
Realizing this to be a mistake she'd regret,
As the extent of her actions finally hit.

My favorite verse. It is so smooth and such strong words, I can really feel what your feeling here.

Wonderful job 5/5

suicidalkansas

He looked at her so dully,
Didn't expect this to ever occur,
Fighting back tears he walked away,
His whole life now became a blur.

*I loved this stanza, but I'd fix the last line. There's a lapse in tense. You say "now" which ios present and "became" which I'm pretty sure is past tense. I would reword that so it's all in one tense and doesn't confuse people. If I'm wrong just ignore me lol. But good poem though. I think you told your story well. Nik*

Beautiful, the regret and heart ache was obvious, not over powering though, the words flowed well, saying so much. Very deep and pulled at the heart strings.