I found this one a little harder to read
i think maybe you should read over this
and fix the grammar mistake and some of the other...
i can put out a few i noticed but there are abit too many for me to point them all out...
"Where live can be immortal"
i think you meant life instead of live...
'Her hands are now cuff"
i am pretty sure this line should be put into past tense so the cuff should be changed to cuffed...
there are some others
but other then those few little mistakes i think this is a good poem
good job

Keenan