Suicide Baby

Where do i go from here? victimized by my own emotions i am drowning. confusion abounds and accidentally swallows me whole. it was gulping for air while being suffocated by anger and misery, who flanked it on either side. they fenced it in, unaware or their own obtrusiveness. poor confusion, it was always the middle ground. i encountered it briefly while seesawing between two extremes, caught up in a fly-by. but now the tumultuous plaything has ceased it's rocking, and i am left shoved between the width and height of loneliness, a cavernous mouth teethed with questions. they nibble away at my insides, ruining my appetite and mood. i cannot deal with the persistent roiling in my gut. stomachs are always contracting, digesting, growling, hungering, impossible to shake off, and i am starved by the lack of you. the pain increases with each day that you don't return to me, a ferocious pair of incisors tearing apart my convictions. befuddlement smothers me in a grip that leaves imprints far into these sleepless nights, villainous pillows and strangling sheets feared and disposed of. i can still feel your arms around my waist, pulling me tighter, tighter, closer to engulfment. if given the chance i would've drowned in you and escaped the hopeless fate i am now faced with, but that was never an option. disappointment loomed eternal, dripping with the knowledge that i could never trust you. you have spited me and left me sleeplessly reeling from the absence of oxygen in my helpless state. the last thing i give myself to entirely will be asphyxiation. where would i go from there?