Crumbled Lungs.

Wow, truly a beautiful write, and what makes is so much more special for me, is that i can relate almost completely. I couldn't have expressed myself this well! And seemed so full of emotion, i'm a little surprised it aint from experience; but obviously that's a good thing in this case! =] I adore this poem because i can relate; it reminds me of my latest write: 'chainsaw in my chest', because the message i was trying to put across was similiar; but obviously you're the better poet !=D
Don't stop writing! I've nominated this..
MEZi..x

Very nice poem. i love it. its unique. i havent read anything like it before which makes it even better. 5/5. [[if i could go higher than i would]] :)

I find it tiring to breathe
when you're not near
to pollute the air with
your velvet words of love.

It feels like someone
has crumbled my lungs--
into small fragments of sand;
shoved them into an
hourglass; and now here
I am--helpless; awaiting
the departure of time; life.

I'm choking on this oxygen;
for that's all I ever relied
on was life support; you--
to maintain consciousness.

But now--you've vanished;
my lungs have decayed in
this hourglass; time has
been consumed; and life
is non-existant.

i love how you used the figurative speech. my favorite verse is...
"It feels like someone
has crumbled my lungs--
into small fragments of sand;
shoved them into an
hourglass; and now here
I am--helpless; awaiting
the departure of time; life."

i liked how you used an hourglass. it fits perfect with the theme to your poem. again i say great job.

I love this poem. Simply love how dark it is.
... Oh right, people don't like one liners.
Uh, just repeat the paragraphs everyone else wrote, I guess.

Very good imagery. This set a high standard for dark pieces I believe. Though you may not feel these feelings at the time. The question is have you ever?

I find it tiring to breathe
when you're not near
to pollute the air with
your velvet words of love.

- This particular stanza was very dark. Maybe this was written in a sense of someone else's shoes.
I love the word pollute in this first part. It fits how you are portraying the love. It's like " I have heard it so many times but have seen no truth in it.

It feels like someone
has crumbled my lungs--
into small fragments of sand;
shoved them into an
hourglass; and now here
I am--helpless; awaiting
the departure of time; life.

- This stanza was intense. I thought of the hourglass paraphrase and really liked the ingenuity of your creativity. The imagery depicted someone who was helpless to survive life's daily struggle. Duped by the stranger of love.

'm choking on this oxygen;
for that's all I ever relied
on was life support; you--
to maintain consciousness.

- I really liked this stanza as well. It empathized my view. It's difficult to maintain stability and breath alone without the warmth of a lovers touch. Especially when you love this person so much. When you kiss the taste is toxic. It's a combination of oxygen and morphine.

But now--you've vanished;
my lungs have decayed in
this hourglass; time has
been consumed; and life
is non-existant.

- I can definitely concur that this piece was about lost love with a hint of eerie defiance and thin and worn out patience. The person in this piece waited forever for a fellowship of the heart. A great redemption found in the form of true loves kinship.

[ Again I loved the hourglass metaphor. It fit this poem well. The sands of time eventually cease to drop. For the last grain has fallen. I absolutely adored this work. It was sad and had a mixture of pain of contempt. I could sense a rivalry between living or death. Dying for love is something worth dying for. Because love is everything we need to live for. Beautifully written.]

5/5

-Lilium

I admire the way you let words came directly from the mind. Sometimes our inner being takes over and although we're in a joyful mood, at the end there might be an inner sadness unconsously. This is a sad write indeed with plays on the emotive part. Very well done 5/5, kel.