Comments : Dream or Reality?

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    This is a very sweet poem =] It's nice to see you write something uplifting ^^

    The rhyming scheme worked really well and your poem convayed very hopeful and beautiful emotions, great job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I dreamt of the perfect one
    To love me when all hope is gone
    To hold me when everything is bleak
    To hug me when I'm feeling weak

    *I would change this line to "To protect me when I'm feeling weak" or "To comfort me when I'm feeling weak" because "hold" and "hug" are pretty much the same thing.*

    To kiss me when I feel alone
    *I would change this to "when I'm feeling alone" It sounds better that way to me*

    To unlock feelings that are unknown
    *This was my favorite line. Very well crafted.*

    All along, she was there
    Nobodyelse could compare

    *Nobody is one word and else is one word. They need a space in between*

    Mixed feelings rushing inside
    Feelings that can't be denied
    She said three words to melt my heart
    Words that meant we couldn't be apart
    Feelings reaching abnormality
    Is this a dream, or reality?

    *Wow..this stanza was flawless Shaun. I really love the style and the simple rhyme. I think you did a wonderful job with describing how this girl makes you feel. Your ending was my favorite. Rhetorical questions are always a nice touch to a poem. Very well written babe ^.^ Nik*

  • 15 years ago

    by JXD

    I dont normally read love poems lol but this is very good =]
    again it was very well written, cant fault it really mate

  • 15 years ago

    by ShatteredGirl

    This is fantastic :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Em

    So moving and inspirational, 5/5. Em