Line in the Sand

A great metaphoric and expressive poem well written I love it. Our lives of full of swings and roundabouts you hit that theme here with excelence 5/5 rayS

Draw a line in the sand
and watch it wash away.
Stay close, hold my hand,
and listen to what I say.

** i really love the immagary here. i can see u and someone else just walking along the shore drawing a line and the waves washing it away. great job

Don't let go of hopes and dreams,
because they're out of reach.
Not every thing's how it seems,
on your white sand beach.

**the last line the flow kinda break apart. maybe if you make sand to sandy it read a little better. other than tht this stanza is great. :)

Some are trapped above clouds,
while others stuck in the sea.
Just listen to the boat's shrouds
and merely attempt to be.

**If your still talking about dreams this was a great was to represent it.

Seashells won't whisper advice
and luck won't come from treasures.
Give it a shot and roll the dice
and hope to get your pleasures.

**For some reason i keep thinking of a little girl putting a contch shell up to her ear and litsen to the ocean. very cute.

Life comes in waves each day
and as they come crashing down
paths begin changing the way,
leaving some of us to drown.

**i love how you used waves to change paths. and the last line was good too cause some dont succeed

i really liked this poem. very amazing :)

If you want my honest opinion, I thought that your metaphor was rather simple but it worked. You worked your metaphor into your words and related it to life perfectly. I think you did a good job, you have always been a pro at rhyming.

Wonderful
this is a great poem
3rd stanza was orgasmic :)

"Some are trapped above clouds,
while others stuck in the sea.
Just listen to the boat's shrouds
and merely attempt to be."

i love that
that stanza i found was a perfect example of life :D
good job

Keenan