Comments : Loneliness And The Friendship Of Love.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Loneliness not lonliness .. otherwise your title is okay, probably a bit too lengthy.

    'Adrift in a sea,
    of loneliness
    and lost dreams.

    Feeling jealous,
    and scorning
    those who love.'

    `I think that your first stanza would read better in your perspective- something like this:

    'Adrift in a sea
    of loneliness
    and lost dreams...

    I feel jealous;
    scorning
    those who love.'

    That might work if you were to change the entire poem as 1st person.

    '[Hurt].. by the anger that bleed's in your soul.'
    `The brackets around hurt are okay, but you dont need the two dots after it and bleeds doesnt need a apostrophe

    'Grasp life's horn's with a pull and a tug'
    `A pull and a tug are nearly the same thing. So I dont think they are both needed here.

    'Salvage your heart,
    because there are those
    who just need a friend.'
    `I love what you said here, but your poem was a bit awkward in that none of it really rhymed but a few select lines. So the flow was a bit odd for me

    Interesting poem, a good job but needs some editing.