Final Red Tear

This poem is absolutely amazing you can feel more pain line by until the the saddening end...5/5 strong write

Wow. Amazing. Absolutely wonderful. 5/5

My heart ripped from my chest,
Frail, bleeding so much within,

*This line was alittle confusing. I would maybe reword it and say "Frail, so much blood within" something like that.*

Repulsive words flung my way,
My yells quicky turn into screams,

*I like how you said "repulsive' I've never seen it used to describe words. And in the second line you forget a "l" in quickly.*

My life shattered by the relentless pain,
The screams so quiet only I can hear,

*I don't think you need "the" at the beginning of the second line. Seems too wordy to me. I would just start it with "Screams"*

Camouflaged from every breathe,
Burrowed deep in this chamber of mine,

*I love your word choice here. Very creative*

Death glides closer second by second,
Coming all to slowly,
Burning pain engulfs me with every tear,
Every tear I cant shed,

*This part was sad :( *

It wretches beneath this fragile face,
Hidden so deep,
I cant even see,
Lost in a world of agony and heartache,

*This stanza was flawless. Your diction is amazing and I love the varied syntaz as well. Your emotions are really clear here*

The isolation comes to an closing,

*I would change this to "Isolation comes to a closing"*

As does everything someday,
This blistering sting comes to a halt,
As this final red tear assuredly stands still

*Wow...what a sad ending. I think you did a great job of expressing your pain throughtout the poem. Very nice job. Keep it up hun. Nik :) *

Nice write chicka. I like how you wrote it so well and deep. well i read it and I think it deserves a 5/5 on it. ttyl.