Little blue bird

First off, I was a little surprised at the format, Ive seen poets on here use the same format before, hopefully you can pull it off.

'Little blue bird can you keep a secret? There's this boy, he's funny, caring, and smart.'
`A unique opening, it was interesting because it made me wonder why you were talking a bird, perhaps it can talk back to you I'm not sure, but interesting why you picked a bird and not something else? Maybe it's your pet and you tell everything to it because you trust it more than people. I'm not sure, this had me thinking, a good beginning.

'little blue bird will you take me for a ride?'
`Capitolize 'little'

I read the rest of the poem, and I agree with MaryAnne's comment on how your grammar is a bit off. At times I felt like you didn't have the appropriate pauses. You made us abruptly stop reading because of the disrupting periods used and little sentences.

I would have prefered this in stanza form. I can give you props however on stepping outside the zone and talking to a bird, that was a interesting perspective and I have not seen that done.

I think this could have been better - It was short but for what it was it was just 'okay' for me.

Okay, first I would like to say the way you wrote this poem in, paragraph form, made it harder and not that interesting to read. I would suggest organizing your work into stanza's, it would read and look much better.

"Little blue bird can you keep a secret."

A question mark should be placed at the end of this line.

"There's this boy, he's funny, caring, and smart. And tonight he may take my heart."

I feel like the second line is a little short, maybe change to this:

"Tonight he just may capture my heart."

Just for more descriptions.

"Hey little blue bird will you take me for a ride."

I didn't like how you said "hey", it sounded too slang type. Add a question mark at the end of this line.

"Somewhere very high in the sky."

I think this line would look and read better like this:

"Somewhere high up in the sky?"

"Hey blue bird don't leave me here to die. I want to be swooning high."

Here change this line to this:

"Blue bird don't leave me here to die. All I want is to be swooning high."

"Little blue bird don't fly away. I need you. Don't let me fall. I can't handle this at all."

I felt these lines were a bit too short, I think you can add a comma instead of periods, just for pauses.

"Take me move to the heavens in the sky."

Delete that "move" and this will make sense.

"I don't want to burn. Why little blue bird I thought you were my friend."

You need a question mark after "bird".

"Pleases come back and save me again."

"Pleases" should be "please".

This pain is killing me, drilling me. Little blue bird don't leave me here to died."

"died" should "die."

Overall, 4/5 from me, the grammar was a bit off and could be improved on. This was well expressed but I do think that you could add more imagery.

~MaryAnne

~MaryAnne

It was really good I love the flow of words good job.