Deluded Vision. [Collab.]

Hey girls:)

I agreed with you until the third stanza, then I felt the poem suddenly headed into a far-fetched direction, lol!

Modern day civilisation is indeed overwhelming at times and it can be hard to find you way ( and stay on it!) as you go...but most people find their own niche after a while. It just takes time and it's important to stay focused on your own goals, without allowing yourself to get distracted too much by all the data that comes in from sooo many angles:0)

Nice work ladies<3

5/5 Ingrid

"Life's path is paved
with uncertainty."

Just this one line got my atttention, and spoke such truth.

"We walk aimlessly,
striving for necessities--
but when will we succeed?"

Great wording you two, this is what many think about and you strike the reader with these thoughful words. And you are so right too, we do walk aimlessly, striving for necessitites, you are very descriptive here.

"Materialistic thoughts
infiltrate our daily routine,
we're blinded from reality;
craving all we see--
but what are we aiming for?"

I love how you added a question at the end, and it really makes this a thought-provoking write. What are really aiming for?

"Dreams intoxicate us;"

The use of "intoxicate" was very good here, very descriptive.

"lifting us up so high--
without realization that
we're walking in place;
life's essentials begin to fleet."

Wow, you two point out so much in this poem, and this stanza really got to the reader. I never would have thought of that, but now you both have made me think a lot on this piece.

"Boarder lining sanity
as we distance with reality,
drunk with delusions
of what this life should be;
Psychosis overwhelms us."

A powerful ending, your wording here was superb. "drunk with delusions" was very expressive, and I loved you used "drunk". And that last line really summed everything you were saying in this piece up, leaving the reader satisfyed. A masterpiece you two, you work very well together and this piece flowed beautifully. Each line held much meaning and spoke such truth. Keep it up and congrats on this piece, you both should be very proud.

5/5 from me, take care..

~MaryAnne

Thank you for allowing me to collab with you! It was such a great experience and I think we had fun with it. You are an amazing writer and I feel like our styles clicked and we made a great poem that many could relate to. Thank you and I hope to write with you in the future! :]