Your poem lacks punctuation. It just makes it seem like one big sentence that never ends. Throw in some commas and periods...jazz it up a little. I'll show you what I mean later.

Also, there were a lot of parts of the poem that felt like they didn't flow right. Just the wording seemed...forced, if you could call it that.

Not your best sis. I'm just gonna say that. Work on this one until it shines.

3/5