Comments : Solo Act

  • 15 years ago

    by Jay Perry Jr

    The best poem i saw all day sorry you feel that way

    Great job :)

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Of mine...now all I can find
    there is anger.
    Anger that you left me here--
    alone.
    -- Anger always seems to come out when I'm sad, I guess it's because it hurts less. I really loved how I could relate to that part.

    whispers bouncing of
    -- Typo: of should be off. :]

    Good job.

    Keep writing.
    Cayce

    :]

  • 15 years ago

    by guy named Guy

    I find it to be a wonderful capture of a broken or breaking heart.. the way the poem just flows with every word.. it gave me chills..

    5/5 my new favorite..

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I wasn't aware
    at first, at how dark
    the night can be
    when the stars turn their
    backs on you."

    I love this opening line, it grabbed my attention and had me reading on.

    "How silent my room
    is when it's just
    me there...waiting."

    I like here, and throughout this poem, the use of the "..."s, it adds a nice touch and pause in certain places.

    "struggling to breathe
    like a bird held
    in a humans hand--"

    Love the simile, this really strikes the reader and hits them hard.

    "my wings...broken, like
    this hole in my chest..
    where my heart should be....
    the heart with your name
    plastered on it."

    That word "plastered" really was perfect, I don't hear that often. This is so sad and heartbreaking, and you have captured that breaking heart so well here.

    "I didn't realize
    how badly I missed your
    voice, until I heard my
    whispers bouncing off
    the walls like a stranger's echo."

    Just add a comma in the last line, after "walls", it will read better in my opinion.

    I really enjoyed all your similes in this piece, it brought the poem more alive.

    Also, I liked how you said "whispers bouncing off walls", very unique in my opinion.

    "I miss the way your strong
    arms carry me to bed
    after I fall asleep from
    reading my favorite book..."

    I loved how you gave an example, this was very sweet and made me smile.

    "What happened to those days?"

    Great question, it adds a nice touch.

    "I can't remember
    the last time I sang
    a song about you...
    love filled lyrics
    used to cover this head
    of mine...now all I can find
    there is anger.
    Anger that you left me here--
    alone."

    What heartbreaking words you have written, the format/style you have written this piece in is very fresh and easy to read.

    "Never seemed so bad
    when you still held the key
    to my heart...."

    I would suggest placing "It" before "Never", to me it reads better. Although this line can be very cliche, it wasn't here.

    "now this silence breaks
    like bruised skin
    at the seams of
    a starting scab..."

    Wow, wonderful descriptions here, very alive.

    "I don't know how
    to be a solo act...
    a one man show.

    Why can't it just be us again?"

    A powerful ending, very well-penned.

    Great emotions and feelings, you caught my eye in every line and had me feeling what you were. 5/5 from me, take care.

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by stormingdance (Lessa)

    "like bruised skin
    at the seams of
    a starting scab..."

    You also have a way with words. The whole poems just flows. Sometimes endings can be abrupt and make it seem like there should be more, but your poem just falls into place at the end.

  • 14 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    This one. :]