Holding me back..

WOW.
Fantastic.

People definitely can be absolutely clueless. Great job mate.

-me

5/5(:

I'd comment on each stanzas like I have been doing but tbh I can't. All I can say is such a flawless poem written with so much emotion. It's horrible knowing how clueless people can be at times. Wonderfully written once again, 5/5. Em

The flow was a little choppy once again, but not too bad. I must say, I love the imagery you use in all of your poems.

Another good read.

-Stephanie

Pills clutched tightly toward my chest

*I would change this to "pill bottles clutched tighly against my chest* It sounds weird when you just say "pils'*

Nobody can tell I'm seriously depressed
Swallow every one and I'll be dead
I will leave behind everything that I said

*This was sad. You better now kill yourself or I'll bring you back as a gay guy :P lol anyways ways back to your poem. I like the hyme and how you point out no one can tell you're depressed. That's usually the case when it come to suicidal kids. I liked that you added that part in*

Deprived of everything that I desire
Thoughts exhaust me, I'm left to tire

*Flawless line!!!! I loved it :) *

Nothing seems as easy as it once was
But only I know what is the real cause

*This reminds me of what you said in the first stanza about no one knowing your real problems. It makes me sad that people can be so clueless sometimes*

You look at me, an average person
I look in the mirror, I begin to worsen
Nobody can see why I hate myself so much
I can no longer hack life, I've lost my touch

*I would change the last line to "I can no longer feel love, I've lost my touch" I think that would be a good way to express what this depression does to you. What you said before was a little confusing to me. But I like what you said before that. Very clever lines my friend*

But will I always be on an elastic rope?

*This sounds weird like this. I'd change it to "I wonder if I will stay on this elastic rope" that seems to flow better to me*

Pulled back into reality by people's hope
That one day I can ignore my imaginary friend
They love me too much, they just won't let life end.

*I really liked this Shaun. I think you put alot into it and you told a story that is commom with alot of people. Nice work dear. Nik*

This poem was very well written, its one of your best =] Your rhyming is very good.

Your emotion is so strong here it consumed me as i read futher on into the poem, you pulled me in with each heartbreaking stanza you wrote.