Comments : Electrocuted

  • 15 years ago

    by Cyma Khan

    Good write!!!
    All the best :)

  • 15 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Your poems are full of creativity. They flow and paint pictures of high caliber. Excellent work

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'Assaulting life's essence -
    a diffused and wrinkled love'
    `What a sad beginning this is!

    'lingers in the depths of sea (you)
    destroying the once standing,
    destroying the lines of life (me).'
    `This as well! But I love the metaphors.

    'Rigid wires embraced by plastic
    strung upon fat wooden straws.
    Touching ground, electrifies,
    touching you releases my pride.'
    `You must be talking about...power lines? or making a references to them as a metaphor? I have no idea what I'm talking about, thats all I can think of though... cant think of anything associated with seas that would be like that.

    'as the tears of the world swallowed me.'
    `Very powerful.. it made a wonderful ending.

    Well done. I hope my comment made sense. :]

  • 15 years ago

    by Jessica

    This was very creative, and I really liked it. Great use of metaphors and wording. If I had to choose, I'd say the last stanza was probably my favorite but it was all very well written. Great work :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    *I have no idea how this didn't win >.< it was simply brillant. Man...makes me mad that it didn't win.*

    Splashing. Zapping. Embracing liquidation,
    natures endearment turned vicious
    as the tears of the world swallowed me.

    *I love that part soooo much! The use of one word sentences is so effective to me. It's like writing each word by itself adds emphasis on it. I feel like feeling each word as you write it, if that makes sense lol. I love the last line. It's perfect and it really shakes me at the end. I finished this and I was like "wow" that's how good it was. Great piece of work JOE JOE :) Nik*