Comments : Blindfolded

  • 15 years ago

    by Lu

    Now when at sunset
    I am reminded;
    of spring evenings
    when you arranged
    a daisy chain 'round
    my wrist.

    ^^^
    Mel I loved this part !

    You always manage to draw me into your poems from the very beginning line and I find myself wondering what creative thought will come next.

    You ALWAYS add such uniqueness to your poetry! And I love how you bring everything to life and make the reader feel your words.

    Excellent read as always Mel, I expect nothing less because you are simply awesome ..... awesome !!!!!

    Wonderful read Mel and always a pleasure to read your word hun

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'When,
    divination
    brought me to you;
    I was blinded.'
    `A great opening, saying the love brought the two of you together and blinded you [perhaps by reality or by the beauty of love, you didn't see something coming I'm guessing..]

    'The moons shine was
    too much to bear
    so unspoken stars
    cursed purity.'
    `Moon's should have an apostrophe I believe.

    'You,
    reminded me
    of a sleepless night;'
    `Really good here, I liked your metaphor comparing them to a sleepless night.

    'and like an insomniac
    I experienced lonely.'
    `Great lines that refer back to your metaphor of them being a sleepless night. Such sadness in your words here...experiencing what it feels like to feel so alone.

    'Now when at sunset
    I am reminded;
    of spring evenings
    when you arranged
    a daisy chain 'round
    my wrist.'
    `I think you take when out in the first line, just a suggestion. It flows better without it in my opinion. Plus you use when later on in this stanza so I think it'd be better w/o it.

    A poem of love that dwindles to sadness by its end but nonetheless a really well written poem. You did well! :]