Just Torn

'I feel as though
I'm trapped inside.
My heart torn in two,
And, nightly, I do cry.'
`I think this was a simple beginning, could come across as cliche but it was written well, something many could relate to. Not entirely sure if you need 'do' before cry. It might flow better without it.

'I do love him,
My dark-skinned knight.
But there's a love for my Angel,
That I cannot fight.'
`I wasn't too keen on the knight thing, but other than that you had a good flow here.

'Even though we can't communicate,
It's him I still wish to hear.
He soothed my heart, calmed my cries,
And someone I held close and dear. '
`I dont think you need 'and' here either.. the one before someone.

'But my heart began it's betrayal
And felt strong for another boy.
So I was torn between them both
And I feel like I played him like a toy. '
`A poem is better without words like 'and' and the.. so maybe try this --

'My heart began its betrayal,
fell strong for another boy;
torn between them both,
I feel like I played him like a toy'

`I must be honest I didnt like 'played him like a toy' that is pretty overused and I feel like you could have come up with a better metaphor here.

'For it was he who, despite loving me,
Encouraged me towards the other.
Saying he'd be able to help me and love me better,
But I feel like I was a bother.'
`I think that feel would be better read as felt, because youre in the past tense. Right?

'And I could careless if it's a sin.'
`Take out 'and' & make 'careless' two words -- care less

'Because I still have a part of me that loves my angel,'
`Too drug on and too long. I dont think because is needed. You could just simply state that you have a part that loves him.

'And It's so hard to think of
but My Heart is worn.
And between my knight and my Angel,
I am simply just torn.'
`Heart doesnt need to be capitolized. The 'and' before It's isnt needed. You dont need 'so' that is NOT poetic. You can do better than that.

I didnt really enjoy this poem, the numerous 'and' 's used as well as 'but' `s really throw me off. I think this poem has a lot more potential to be original rather than another cliche poem.

Keep working on this.