Comments : Just My Thought

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "These are my thoughts,
    And I have sought .
    To wonder why we even write,
    When it never catches anyone's sight."

    This opening really grabbed me, the idea and what you would say next intrigued me.

    Second line: Make that period a comma instead.

    "The uselessness of words,
    Though they often occur.
    Is beyond my understanding,
    Of the useless ranting."

    I really don't like how you said "uselessness" and "useless" so close, I felt like that kind of threw me off, like a repeat.

    I did love "uselessness of words", that was unique and kept my attention.

    "We could write a thousand,
    But it's like we never wrote ten.
    It kills me slowly over and over,
    Like I'm bearing a giant boulder."

    To be honest, I don't like "ten" in the second line, maybe "any" would sound better?

    "This poem is also true,
    And who would have knew.
    It was ever written today,
    Beside who wrote it that way."

    I think a question mark or two, or three can be added here.

    "Even so all is not lost.
    For once you remove the frost,
    You can see it again.
    For it no longer blends."

    First line: Place a comma after "so".

    I love the "frost" part, that was really good. Such a thoughtful write and well-expressed.

    "So this is just my thought,
    That my eyes had caught,
    From writing so much.
    Then no one ever gives it a touch."

    I like the first two lines but the last two really didn't strike me.

    Maybe change to this:

    "Writing so very much,
    That it never receives a touch."

    Or something like that, the ending just didn't hit me, but the concept and idea in this poem was great, just what many of us are probably thinking!

    4/5 from me, keep writing, always and forever..

    ~MaryAnne