The Destiny Of Miss Lilly Ruth

"The daydreams and visions of make believe;
She always stared out into the clouds.
Her heart longed for some sort of recollection;
She wanted to know what love was all about."

This is a great opening, your wording grabbed me and had me reading on.

"Never noticing how his heart sparked to life;
She was too self absorbed with thoughts of being a wife.
Different versions that solely portrayed his disguise;
Somehow always missing the look deep in his eyes."

Great emotion put in this piece, what deep and passionate words you have woven together.

"Months went by and she couldn't understand why;
Too many lonely night's where she'd self mope and cry."

I really didn't like "self mope", it sounded a bit awkward to me and didn't fit.

"The reckless girl who sat alone in silent admiration;
He only wanted for her to make him her selection."

The second line was a bit hard to read with all the "he's and "her's, maybe reword to this:

"He only wanted her to make the selection."

Or something to that extent, just for better understanding.

"Whisper's of the dreams she would never share;
But he promised he woulds always be there.
She didn't see at times how much he truly did care.
Thought love was so unrealistic and cruelly unfair."

Well-expressed in this piece, that first line really struck me.

"Destiny seemed to fade and she lost herself in pain;
He cried for her weakness and the loss of her strength.
Where was the girl he had loved for so long;
He wasn't able to figure out what had went so wrong."

Third line: Add a question mark at the end, it will make a better read.

"Fate caught up with this stricken and battered soul;"

Which soul, the guy or girl's?

"She fell right into the arms of her other part."

"part" was just the wrong word to use, it didn't read well at all.

"Light penetrated night and made her a whole.
The bright happiness engulfed the eclipse of her heart."

Loved these two lines, "penetrated", "engulfed" and "eclipse" were such great words to use!

"Beautiful word's couldn't portray how to express;
I've found my happy ending in the darkness.
He'll always be my knight in a shining metal vest.
The world offered me up one of heavens very best."

This is such a sweet and heartfelt/touching ending.

Fourth line: "heavens" should be "heaven's".

Otherwise, 4/5 from me, parts of this were a bit cliche and especially in the middle you used "he" and "she" and "her" so much, it just lost my attention. Also, you did not have a consistent rhyming scheme, I did like the rhymes, but you didn't have a consistancy.

You did express yourself well and this did touch me, best of luck to both of you.

Take care and God bless you, child of God!

~MaryAnne