When,
Orchid butterflies
peeled your lips
platinum I was
-Mesmerized-
Not by the
remarkable,
but rather;
the stunning
interior which
keeps you alive.
That was then.
Sometimes,
when the sky
alters to emerald
we become entwined;
and cream stars
begin to crumble
allowing we to
dance upon
jade midnights.
This is now.
When the peach
from your face fades
I shall still be
-Mesmerized-
The bronze from your
heart will only help
to keep me alive.
I'll remember that
faithful day when
we danced within
moonlight -
composed yet combined;
as we lay to rest
for eternity
by each others side.
That will be then.
and this is still now.
These are the colours
of Past, Present and
Future love.
'allowing we to'
`I think you either meant 'me' or 'us'
'as we lay to rest
for eternity
by each others side.'
`To be honest this was a part of the poem that really brought me down. Everything was so original until I read this, this was really cliche and I think you could do better. Maybe a really unique metaphor would be better here.
A interesting poem. I loved the colors you used and how you related them to something about love. This is probably my favorite format, the short lines that flow so beautifully. I loved your thoughts in this write, the only problem I had was that part I highlighted and commented on for being too cliche. Otherwise a well written poem. I enjoyed it. :]