Comments : Evocative Streets

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Sneaky streets
    Heartfelt beats
    Memories that once were sweet"

    I don't mean to sound corny but this opening caught my attention and the wording was very unique.

    "sneaky streets" and "heartfelt beats" was something I never heard of before, and it made me look at it differently.

    "First loves kiss"

    "loves" should be "love's".

    "Hurt you miss"

    I felt like this line was a bit awkward in the wording, but that is just me.

    "Moments beg to reminisce"

    I liked how you used "beg" here, that was a new way to word it.

    "Nothing sates"

    I really don't hear "sates" much so this was interesting.

    "A soul that waits
    Sinking in the desperate straits"

    Loved everything so far, I really don't have much more to say but great. For such few words you have described and said so much.

    "Perception sought
    In abstract thought
    Of all the things that once we fought"

    The rhyming was very consistant in this poem and was simple yet meaningful.

    "A foggy mist
    A soul that twists
    Bound to all the things they miss"

    Loved the descriptions here, well-expressed.

    "Empty swings
    Simple things
    Memories hanging in the wings"

    That last line really struck me, I never have heard this line used before, it was very new to me.

    "A childhood ride
    Into our pride
    Full of all we thought had died"

    I honestly didn't really like the second line, I just felt you could replace "into" with another verb, just my view though.

    5/5 from me though, your poetry is always so fresh and gives the reader something new to think about, never cliche at all. Never stop writing, you have such a gift.

    Take care and God Bless you!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by Tom Swart

    Well Chaos - I found your poem more of a short story which I enjoyed until the very end. you placed all the right words just where they should be and they enjoyed finding themselves resting within your poem. Nice write, Bravo