When Destiny Met Death

So beautifully pened...
I felt you are narrating an imporatant event of your life... the emotions so strong...

//I believe;
Sometimes,
we hide
on highways
only to
escape
our fate. //

^^ yeah sometimes when fate seems to become an enemy we try to hide... well penned...

//Sometimes in life you must
reach a red light;
in order to view the green. //

^^the analogy is brilliant...

wonderful write...

To be completely honest I think that you put commas where you dont need a pause, like for example -

'When,
destiny met death '
`I dont see the significance of the comma after when, it really is not necessary in my eyes, the poem flows a million times better without it?

Good job though on the two opening lines, loved them. They drew me in instantly :)

'The stop signs
of your heart
never peeled away.'
`Loved 'peeled away' it was a different way of saying that they were never removed and never went away.

'It was,
-Obliterating-'
`Again I dont think the comma after was is needed... its a awkward pause and to me it sounds better without it.

'Sometimes,
we hide
on highways
only to
escape
our fate.
`Hmm this was really unique; cause stop signs arent normally found that often on highways. This was a good metaphor you used here. :)

'It was,
roundabout syndrome.'
`Loved this!! Your metaphor is so unique in this poem, 'roundabout syndrome' made it even more original and your own!

'Yet,
you led me to angels
and fought with
-death-'
`I think that the comma after yet should be removed and replaced with either two dashes '--' or an elipses '...' either one of those I think makes a bigger pause, which is what I believe you were looking for here, I think that that would create a bigger and better pause than a comma. Just a thought.

'Sometimes in life you must
reach a red light;
in order to view the green.'
`This was a strong ending just as your beginning was. It reinforces what you were saying in the beginning but in a different way that fits the metaphor you used throughout your poem. Really loved it!

This was very well written with a touch of sadness; well done!

Although I don't care for the structure with the fragments, I do love your use of a metaphor here.

^When,
destiny met death
I was-
paralyzed.
The stop signs
of your heart
never peeled away. ^

When, destiny met death
I was paralyzed.
The stop signs of your heart
never peeled away.

The comma indicates a pause as does the end of the line or complete thought.

Cosmetically, I think it would have looked better as I restructured it here.
Despite that I loved your word choice and the poem overall. Great job and congratulations RTVW Idol!

Sometimes in life you must
reach a red light;
in order to view the green.
^^^
Mel I loved this ending. There is so much meaning behind these words. It really makes on stop and think.

Congrats on being "R.T.V.W IDOL 2009" you truly deserve this win hun. You made it to each round and completed the challenge with a bang.

EXCELLENT WRITE MEL !!!!!