Again, like always... So much happened in a such a short span of time. If I knew life was going to be this hard, I would have murdered myself 5 years back. Like, literally go kill myself instead of attempting suicide only to come back to this shitty life of mine. But what's past is already gone, and here I am... Contemplating another way to get rid of the endless complications; wishing and just wanting something so much more than this...
I don't know how many times I literally stop breathing, just to feel in control. It's like the only prerogative in my life I'm in control of... Something I could choose to do... or not. Each time I realised I had stopped breathing, the silence was so deafening. The numbness so raw, that it hurt even worse than before.
Life just got worse, but I know I have a responsibilty towards myself, to Mrbear, to my kid... I'm just hanging on for their sakes too. I would have undergone asphyxia if I had nothing else to turn to. Oh, so much to say, still unwritten...
I just want. To be happy. That's all. Is that too much to ask; to be given for?
