Beautiful wording in this poem, Temps:)

Gradually tapering off
beneath a coconut
tree; the shore
decorated in
seashells.

^^
I could see this in my minds eye and it looked so beautiful!

And the hapy ending was very, very nice. I am a big fan of happy endings:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

Your words bring forth nice pleasant images of walking on the shore, palm trees, shells. The last two verses leave me wondering if it is a person or a shell that you have found. Could be either, gives the reader something to think about. Well done.

I love the depiction. It's so free flowing. Liked the intensity in simplicity! Well done!

"A khaki trail inscribed
with love's footprints
captivates me--"

Well-expressed, this opened the poem up beautifully for the reader and had them wondering what was next.

"I dance hugging the
shoreline;"

I am thinking maybe there should be a comma after "dance"? Maybe, just because it would read better if there were a pause after "dance". Just my opinion though.

"as curiosity
titillates my mind,"

Haven't heard that word before, "titillates", its unique and different from what I was expecting.

"I lightly trace
your steps."

This could have been very plain, but it wasn't. The way you separated the two lines added a nice touch.

"Gradually tapering off
beneath a coconut
tree; the shore
decorated in
seashells."

This painted such an image in my mind, I can see this being a painting so easily in my mind. A girl under a coconut tree, her surroundings decorated with seashells. I liked the word "decorated', that was used well, I never thought of the shore being decorated with seashells.

"I discover your lustrous
charm among fragile
shells; delicately
I cradle you to
my ear."

Didn't like the repeat of "shells" so close to "seashells", but that is my view.

The rest is described so beautifully, how romantic would this be. You have painted such a picture in my mind, a picture of two lovers, on the shore together forever.

"An unfamiliar whisper
can be heard; I respond
with an I love you;"

I thought this part was a bit weak, I didn't like the "can be heard" and the next line is a bit plain. Maybe that is just me though.

"within
seconds I realize--"

I feel like there needs to be a word added after "within", possibly? Or change "realize" to something more creative? I felt this line was just cliche and I felt disappointed.

"we have united as
you echo back...
'I love you too' "

I did like the ending, it left me satisfied with reading this love story.

I would say 4/5 from me, I do feel like there are some parts where you could improve but the whole idea was brilliant and well-penned.

Take care and God bless you, Child of God!

~MaryAnne

Wow; that was beautiful. So descriptive! I could picture everything. A very sweet write, 5/5!

mandy :)