The Man Of My Dreams, Or The Vampire Of My Nightmares

"With lips like glass
You graze across my soul"

This was an interesting simile, I didn't really see the meaning behind it, it just didn't seem to fit. It just didn't relate much.

"I can only hope
My willingness to give
Works like chapped stick
Softening your glassy lips"

The third line would be better off re-worded, I just didn't get much into it.

Also, in the fourth line, you already wrote "glass" earlier, so "glassy" ruined it for me.

I really didn't feel much so far, the emotion just isn't there.

"Your hard style
And seductive eyes
Fill this blue heart
With the urge to live
Let the gods
Teach me to forgive"

This was unique, I did quite like the wording here and how you were asking the gods to teach you to forive, expressed-well.

"I willingly release
All that was once me
And allow rough hands
To sweep me to the shadows
For you I'll live in forbidden lands
To make this blue heart

Beat again."

The ending was great, it had me wanting more, since this poem was a bit short actually to me. Just my opinion. Great imagery though, I definetly felt more towards the ending, it just struck me.

4/5 from me, I think the beginning could be worked on but the rest was descriptive and original. God bless you, Child of God!

~MaryAnne