A Poem

Dear AA,

Thanks for your comment and suggestions. The repetition of words/phrases is intentional. I have two poems that have repetitions actually. This one and the other one entitled "My Ever Profound Inspiration". Sometimes repetitions can also be a a form of art, that's what I believe in. The word "it" is intentional as well. It refers to my hands..lol I never thought of using the word "them" for it refers to people, not to my hands I guess. I don't put any adjective on the "light" because I think it will ruin the syllabication of the poem and I find it a little bit cheezy. You know...=D By the way, an enormous thanks for reminding me that I can put punctuations... Finally, somebody noticed it!!! ^_^ I never put punctuation in my poems for some certain reasons. Weird isn't it??? I awe you a lot for spending your time on my poetry...I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love,
-Pink Butterfly-

I've got to say, I never really knew who you were talking about until the end, which kept me reading.

I've got a few suggestions that maybe you'd take into consideration :)

I've lost my path so many times
And fell down to the ground
I've been the queen of fools
And was trapped by the weakness' sound

And then you came(; or , or -) you find me
And picked me from the ground
^ here, I feel like you should change or find a synonym for 'from the ground' because it feels a little repetitious as it was used in the 1st stanza.

You released me from the throne
And killed the weakness' sound
^ same applies for 'weakness' sound' as this was written in the 1st stanza as well. You could maybe use something like...
'And killed my captor's hold' or something along the line of that as the weakness' sound made you the prisoner.

I never lift my hands to you
But still you hold it tight
^ was the term 'it' intentional or did you mean 'them' as in your hands?

The road was dark for me
Until you gave out light
^ Maybe place an adjective before 'light' so the readers get a bit more involved within the poem as you're describing the light with one of the senses.
Ex. the saving light, the shining light.

You embraced me so warmly
That my soul can barely feel
With your tender loving care
My heart has come to heal

I love the last line.
'The one who set me free"

Also, one last comment, you don't have to capitalise every line in your poems and you can add puncuation.

Hare Krishna,
-AA

Aw, this Is very good. I really like how you expressed you're feelings at the end. Very intriguing. I must say, we have some things In common girl!.

My favorite part.

"A million thanks I offer you
For guiding and loving me
My Lord you're my saviour
The one who set me free"

I really enjoyed how you expressed yourself here. Everything just came out in words & emotions. Very, very original. Enjoyed every part :]

5/5