Tonight, I lie awake,
Thinking about how this has come to such a halt,
And, lately I've been trying to fake,
Everything.
Happiness, strength, absolutely everything.
I'm supposed to do something for you,
Too make you realize how much I need you in my life,
And how I wouldnt be able to survive without you.
I know I've said it before,
But, I'll say it again,
This time I say it with tears, heart, and embarrassment.
You've always been our mother,
You've tabbed our life story in either a photo album, or just a moving picture in your mind.
I thank you for that.
Most of this, I don't remember,
Or maybe I dont want too.
I'm afraid of the truth,
But I'm sick of the lies.
I guess it's about time I face the facts,
And stop running from everything..
I've always wondered,
How Shanna could get passed the past,
I've tried so hard, but it just won't leave my thoughts.
I remember everything I don't want to remember.
I remember every night in that Godforsaken place,
Every night I laid awake and wished I was back here,
Everynight, I cried and cried, wishing I could close my eyes and I'd be back here,
Happy.
My sleeping habits, they aren't something I can change on my own.
They aren't here because of choice.
I dream of such horrid things, they scare me.
I really am scared.
About the future, and who will be in it.
Will I be in it?
I don't know.
BUt, I just need you there, emotionally and physically.
Because lately, I've felt so damn alone.
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it.
I just want to be alone, but thank you,
for always being there when I need.
I might not be fixable,
I may never be completely happy.
I have to expect the worst, right?
So I'm not taken by surprise.
Just know, that I appreciate you.
More then you could ever imagine.
Thank you, so much.
