This is how I feel about you
a little lie
a lot of fears.
Tell you it's not true
and that you're my closest
kind of friend here.
But I'm silly
and I tell you too late,
and I doubt that any effort
can remove this fate.
Soon you will disappear
and all I will have
to remember you
is old phone conversations.
Pretend it never happened
you were never near
and all I have
for a close friend
is a best friend
and my heart.
Did I lose you the way I lost
many others? I am such a loser,
I think, holding my head in my hands
and thinking about how much
I wanted you.
I think about how you
and your casual suit
and your nonchalant attitude,
and the way you looked at me and laughed
crudely and made jokes that never in-
-sulted me; I love you but in the end
a forced silence only ended up hurting me.
It's just some faded memories
of you and me on park benches
in classroom doors
at gatherings, it all is a gray colored blur
that I had treasured so much
and you didn't remember as you
brush a beauty's hair away and kiss her
because you're forgetting me
the way I have to forget you.
