What If

What if after all I've been through?
I am turning into a demon like that which I had ran from
All this anger inside of my soul is eating away
Blinding me greatly and causing pain in ones I love
I fell like a time bomb and suddenly I explode like never before
I just want to kill someone
I contemplate putting a blade to my wrist again I can't escape it
It's an addiction I will never get rid of I am almost sure of it
I guess I just need to do it because
I would rather feel the pain than nothing at all
I sit now listening to papa roaches last resort and it seems so right to me
It's like he is talking to me or about me
I can't realize how deep the meaning is to me
Expect no one can tell me it's all right
Because I know its not and
I wish it were but I also wish my life to be over
What if I were to die
I know people would miss me but
I would rot in the ground and people
Would go on living and they would forget about me
And it pains me to know that that is how it goes in life
These are my words I think I am OK
But where is the smile I have never shown before
Yet I cannot face the day where love goes away
And I have to see the person I am today