Very interesting write to say the least. I must say that you don't need a period at the end of each line, in fact that takes away from the poem as a whole. Try using commas or semi-colons or dashes and so forth. I must say it wasn't a great write, but it was good - it felt a little rocky here and there for me, maybe it's just me. Overall a good write, keep up the great work.

Peace, Joe

I agree with the person above me. it was very interesting. and i think that you need to work on your puncuation a little. but other than that it was really good!