I need you

Please read these words I write
for they do have good intent
Although I may sound angry
the end gives all I meant

The words were loud and bitter
they came so easily
From memories of our past
and what you did to me

Some days I really wonder
how we fell apart
I wonder how you did it
and why you broke my heart

But though I may shed tears
sometimes, here and there
Every night I go to bed
I say a little prayer

I ask God to forgive me
for speaking words of anger
I only said those things
for my heart had been in danger

No, I cannot make excuses
I'm feeling such regret
I miss you deep inside
I know I shouldn't fret

My mind says 'just let go'
but my heart says 'no, not yet
He's taken a dear friendship
in which it's leaving I can't abet

Please don't get me wrong
I do not want you back
I just need to hear your voice
for it's the air I cannot lack

Those feelings that were spoken
were not at all how I felt
My heart had been broken
and 't'was the pain I had dealt

The one way I knew to deal
was to make you run away
I couldn't stand the feelings
so, I had to go astray

I remember what you said
"One more chance is all you get"
But I need the time to talk
there's things I should admit

First of all, I'm sorry
the fault was not all yours
I threw some bloody words
that may have started wars

Perhaps, I may have led you
to wanting "it" even more
I must have made you think
that I was positively sure

I still feel like you used me
that caused my bitter speech
I just needed us to talk
I wasn't going to preach

You thought that we would argue
that made it even harder
I couldn't share my feelings
unless they were of ardor

Without the conversation
stressful, it became
So I found it very easy
to throw to you the blame

I screamed and I yelled
I said things I did not mean
Just wanting to feel better
I had to cause a scene

Oh, don't take me wrong
I'm not taking all the blame
Some of these dirty lies
you must also claim

But, the past is not important
Although I can't forget
I always will remember
but never will regret

The times we were together
our friendship was the best
I wore it like a shield
a little like a vest

The beliefs that you had
they made my life better
Not one other in my life
wore faith like a sweater

You helped me believe
and you made me grow
If it weren't for you
faith, I would not know

Though you may not realize
I treasured every instant
& the minute that you left
I felt you were so distant

I wish that you could hear me
the thoughts inside my head
Maybe you could understand
the debate that I have led

One part of me says send this
another says, "no don't.
He'll only hurt you more
by not reading what you wrote"

I hope this makes a difference
I miss you everyday
Without you in my life
my blue skies fade to gray

Please listen to these words
I promise I'll explain
Just give me a little time
&from arguing, I'll refrain

This means a lot to me
so please say that you will talk
I'm sorry for the words I spoke
let's just take a walk

A walk through apologies
and memories I won't forget
I don't want to date you
but our friendship, this has split

_____ ______, I'm sorry
for these feelings we have made
But the friendship that we had
I just cannot watch it fade

NOTE:
I realize this is excruciatingly long,
but it was written for someone who I cared
about so deeply as a love and as a friend,
and losing him has gotten to me, badly. So,
I realize it's not amazing, but it's the best I
could do in the time that I did it in. Thank you
for reading.