All I Can Feel

Thoughts of pulling the moon closer to me,
So that I can blind myself instead of seeing-
You beat her, aggressively thrust and abuse,
I'd rather lose my sight then cry for you.

Confusion wraps around my fingers tips,
As I press them against your sweet face,
Shaking, convincing you everything is okay,
I'll be here- here holding your hands mom.

Tears surround to moist my rosy cheeks,
Letting all my frustrations slip on away,
Only to come back the next time around,
When you drink your vodka and sip; sip.

My tongue is tied in a knot, I can't speak,
Out of fury, out of fright, out of raging anger,
While the madness is pulling me down,
It's getting harder and harder to breathe.

After laying you down to your sweet rest,
I cry- cry for you; cry for me; cry for us,
This could be the end of everything I know,
This could be a change, to everything I am.

But I won't go, without you here with me,
I'll take the abuse, to always protect you,
Devoted, to the frigidness of you- of us,
Weaker and weaker VS more stronger.

Next morning I lift up my weary, heavy head,
Looking around for confirmation it was just-
A bad horrible dream; an intense nightmare,
Like someone was chasing me in my sleep.

I look in the mirror only to catch my fall,
Before I'm sitting on my knees, weeping,
For something stronger to take me away-
With you following my every foot step.

Questions tip-toe around my cold persona,
Creating a black, smoky silhouette of me,
Walking beside me, holding my hands tightly,
Concluding that I'll never be able to let go.

All this time I've been trying to understand,
Jealousy slaps me in the face, red cheeks,
Nothing new, something old- a unique trait,
Of what makes me the person that I am.

My love can take over the universe if-
I wanted it to, it's all for you, it's all for me,
Hold my hand, be my silhouette and let's walk,
Away from a life we lived in pain and agony.

All I can feel is the sweet, warm breath,
Of Him pressing against the back of my neck,
Telling me to forgive you for what you did,
To the one person who gave me life.