Comments : Im here

  • 15 years ago

    by Pesamenteiro

    I usually dont like love poems like this, but this one was beautiful. it reads almost like a song, the way it flows and rhymes.
    you might want to spell check though, i found 2 typos.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    "If only I could lie in your arms,
    To feel your gentle embrace,
    Hear you say I love you,
    As I look deep in your eyes,"

    Third line add the word "To" infront of hear. And I dont know, the last line doesnt really quite go...I'm trying to think of a line the replace it but I just cant think of one.

    "Your love is all I need,
    I know yould never hurt me,
    Ill give you all of me,
    And never think twice,"

    Only thing on this one is you'd, take of the "l" inbetween the u and d. And I'll with the apostrophe.

    "Ill be by your side,
    In every way possibe,
    Ill give you my life,
    With no doubt in my mind,"

    Same here add the apostrophes.

    "Open your heart baby,
    Please let me in,
    Take my hand,
    No matter what it is,"

    Take off "baby" doesnt really need to be there. I get what your trying to say at the end but I dont know, kinda having mixed feelings whether it should be there or replaced with something else.

    "A thousand miles apart,
    Or right by your side,
    Youll always be mine baby,
    For the rest of our lives,"

    The word "mine" you should change it to "my"
    Those were what I found to be changed or fixed. You should use spell check. Even though you dont really care about the apostrophes being there, grammer and punctuation is the key, without those, no one really knows when to stop or pause or what the word means. Overall 4/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    You need to edit the spelling mistakes three I think? Possible and Thinnest and (I will) i'll. Your poem has good flow although the meter is a bit off in a lot of places and with a bit of attention could be made a lot better. Though I can understand why, as your poem is very emotional. A lot of the unrequited love spills out of it and the desperation deep inside it is very apparent and moving. the editing facility and the rhyming and meter aid which a lot of people put their noses up at sadly can help, use it. Anything that can improve my poetry to me is a gift so I do use it now and then especially if I have a block. I was left a bit limp at the end of the poem as it is a very feeling and emotive subject yet I was left a bit on a limb something is missing? 4/5 A really good effort, try reading it through and see if you can see were I am coming from Ray S