Everything is going fine, then this veil drops over me,

*I would change "is" to "was"*

Filling my mind and soul with despair and misery.
Joy lasts only for abit, then it goes away,

*I would say "fades away" that way you can show how slowly you lost the joy*

Oh, how I wish that forever it would stay.
It's dark in here, and I feel so lonely,
so lost, praying someone will find me.
Carry me out of the darkness, into the light,

*I'd change this to "carry me out of this darkness, into the light" That sounds better t me*

someone hurry quick, before I lose my will to fight.....

*I like this. There were some parts I changed to help the flow but other than that I htink you expressed your feelings well. I love the ending. It's like your last plea for help. Very sad poem. Keep it up dear. Nik*

I loved this, even though its short, you used the write words to get out how you were feeling. i loved the flow and rhyming.
5/5

Hrmm, well to be honest, I didn't like how it was choppy in spots. What I mean by that is the fact that it doesn't flow very nice. I think this piece could benifit more if in the form of prose; perhaps, you could add more to it as well to further strengthen the deepth this piece has.

Overall it was good, but not great in my opinion. It has great potential, keep up the great work.

Peace, Joe