Each day the world changes and grows,
time passes by quickly and leaves my head spinning.
Each day I see how everyone else is doing,
how theirs lives are more than perfect.
And I think back to when my life was more than perfect,
I think back to when you were still growing in my womb.
Seeing you move around on the screen,
and hearing your perfect heartbeat was more than amazing.
Feeling you move inside of me,
and watching my stomach grow made my heart fill with joy.
As the days passed the bond between us grew,
and I was more than excited to get closer to the day of your arrival.
Little did we know that my body fell ill,
and both of our lives were threatened.
My temperature soared to one hundred and three degrees,
preterm contractions ensued, and small amounts of blood came.
It was then that I knew something was seriously wrong,
and there was little time to take action.
Holding on to a glimmer of hope that everything would somehow be okay,
I held back my tears and thoughts of the worst case scenario.
Enduring several tests and alot of bloodwork,
finally the doctor gave us an answer.
Antibiotics.. Antibiotics for an infection of the blood,
they administered two strong antibiotics to me through my IV.
But they said that this treatment could go either way,
if the antibiotics didn't work, then it was probably too late for both of us.
Still trying to comprehend all of the possible outcomes,
I kept myself calm and was brave through it all.
Nineteen years old and I was faced with one of the hardest moments in life,
battling an infection, and just hoping that they could save you too.
Everything seemed to be working though,
and my temperature came down some, my body started to feel better.
The next day was just what I had dreaded though,
armed with the ultrasound machine the doctor wanted to check on you.
Looking at the screen and seeing your little body motionless,
it broke my heart and matched to the doctors words it was the worst moment of my life.
Soon they set everything up and induced my labor,
you were coming into a world that you will never be able to know.
The whole process was a blur,
and before I knew it you were here and peaceful as could be.
The nurses whisked you away right after you were born,
and all I could do was cry and hold your fathers hand.
None of this felt real and I kept waiting to be told that you were okay,
that there was nothing to worry about; but no one ever said anything.
A few minutes later after the nurses helped me clean up a bit,
and everyone except your dad had left the room, it was time to see you.
Our favorite nurse held you gently in her arms,
and presented you to us laying you softly on my lap.
This was the first and last time I would be able to see you,
my sweet little girl.
It was hard enough to see how precious and perfect you were,
it was even harder to hold you.
Tears streamed down my face,
those few moments your dad and I shared with you were the most precious in the world.
Soon our families came in to see you,
both sets of grandparents, great grandparents;
aunts and uncles, friends, almost everyone was there to see you.
But soon you had to be taken from me again,
and that was the part I hated.
You were my first child,
the love and bond that I have with you will never be forgotten.
All I wanted was to hold you in my arms forever,
and admire how beautiful you were.
Unfortunately I couldn't do that,
but I do have your memory box,
with your picture in it, hand and footprints;
your tiny little outfit and hat,
I put your ultrasound photos in there too.
Words cannot express how much I love and care for you,
and even though you are no longer in this world,
my love for you will last a lifetime.
As long as I am here on this earth, you are here as well.
I miss you more than anything, and your father does too.
You are our precious daughter,
you still are our world.
