Giving Up [Not Like You Noticed]

Faded-

*I'd put the ... after faded instead of a period. It gives the feeling of a pause and I think that would be a better way of opening your poem.*

he's slipping away.
out of sight, out of mind.
--guess that saying
was always true--

*I really like how you worded this part. Very clever*

What's happening
..to me?
..to our love?
..friendship?

*At the end I would say "..to our friendship" that way you have a pattern going and the flow isn't disturbed*

Crystals splatter-
no one will ever notice
[fangs crave the-
heartbeat]

*I wouldn't break that last line in two like that. I would make it one line and take the dash out. I think this part was worded very nicely. "Crystals splatter" that's brillant. *

You never could understand,
and I'm tired of explaining.

*I like this part, it seem like and important part of the poem and I like that it's so simple.*

Exhaustion has taken-

*I wouldn't put a dash here, i don't see a reason for it *

over my whole being.
..i can't hold on.

*I can really relate to what you're saying here. I get like that sometimes and it's a hard thing to come back from*

Don't tell me different.

*I think "differently" would sound better here*

Lying is a sin-
Hypocrite much?

*This part was funny. I ccan imagine you saying that to someone. I think it's a nice personal touch*

Don't-
give up on us.

*I would change this part to

"Don't....
let us fall down"

That way it goes with the ending more. Other than that I like what you're saying*

Someone needs to hold on.

*I think you did a good job with this. A sad piece indeed, one I can really relate to. Keep it up hun :) Nik*